You Gotta Teach Em’ How To Love You

My entire life I have witnessed women not exercising their own self-worth in relationships and being treated poorly. I myself am one of those women, I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t become one…but as the saying goes “history always repeats itself” and sometimes you become the thing you’re trying so desperately hard to run away from.

It can happen in any relationship – straight – gay – whatever. This isn’t a cheap shot at men, this is a post about what I’ve learned nearing three decades.

You don’t have to scream your insecurities from your mouth and tell the world with words that you don’t feel worthy of love. The world can see it in the way you look down at your shoes or shy away from any intimate conversation. They way you apologize literally 100 times a day and put everyone first before yourself – risking your own health to do so.

It took me my entire life up until now to even realize that the way you treat yourself is a direct indication to others about how to treat you.

It took me up until now to realize you have to teach people how to love you right.

You can’t teach them to be kind, or thoughtful or funny…that comes from themselves, that comes from God or the universe or whatever higher power you believe in. But you can teach them the way you want to be loved.

You have show them how to communicate by communicating in that exact way to them. You have to tell them…I like flowers and hugs and sunny Sunday’s with fresh coffee and a good book.

How could they possible know otherwise?

On the flip side you have to love them in the way they need to be loved. Listen and truly care. That’s the kicker…in order to love someone right you’ve got to care enough to actually do it.

Life is too magical and whimsical and precious to waste it with someone who doesn’t care enough to listen.

You gotta teach em’ how to love you right. And when your done teaching, if they don’t learn… well you’ve got some decisions to make.

 

Carlee.

 

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Wild Woman. Fierce Woman.

You are a wild woman. [sorry to the men if you read this, you’re wild too baby] You are fierce like mother-nature, with a heart that only get’s rebuilt stronger and stronger every time it’s broken.

To allow anyone to dull your shine would simply be a disservice to the universe, it so graciously gifted you with this life, this one in a trillion life.

Yes this is an empowerment post and I’m not sorry about it one little bit. Read these words and soak them in, down to the very heart of you.

You are the ancestor of all the Goddesses that came before you

You’ve got brains and beauty and courage that runs from the top of your hair down to the tips of your toes. You are a whole mixture of stars and planets and violent galaxies. You can never take up too much space in a universe that is ever expanding, so I’m asking you, no screw that, I’m telling you…we need you. US… the other women, your tribe, your community here on this spinning globe, we need you.

YOU, wild woman, powerful woman, strong-intelligent-loving woman.

Be the boss babe you were always meant to be and shine-shine-shine.

 

Love to you all so very very much,

 

Carlee.

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Too Fat To Blog?

“Am I too fat to blog?” the thought had crept into my mind the moment I got serious about blogging and building a brand. Creating online content means putting yourself out there in the form of video, picture, audio and written word. I wanted the blog to be fun, honest and bring value to my audience, but the very thought of starting, brought huge amounts of self-doubt and insecurity. As I gazed down at my body I questioned myself, am I too fat to blog, am I too fat to build a brand?

I had watched women of all sizes create amazing platforms on social media and to be honest, I hadn’t thought about their weight either positively or negatively. The reason I watched their content was because they provided value, humour, good-vibes and personally made me feel good while I consumed it.

The fear might sound irrational, because so many different types of people all over the world create successful brands and businesses everyday, regardless of their appearance…but it didn’t seem irrational to me at the time. I had looked up to major bloggers and brands with beautiful, strong  women running them. I was honestly worried that my appearance wouldn’t measure up and that my appearance is what mattered most.

I mean hell, I can fully admit to enjoying good food, often, and not exercising as regularly as I should, but should that stop me? Should it stop anyone ? 

The obvious answer is NO FREAKING WAY!

Anytime you put yourself out there on social media you have to be ready to put up with some level of criticism. What you shouldn’t have to put up with is believing those things long after the laptop has been closed, and you’re sitting at home wondering if you’re good enough.

It took a lot of journaling and taking time to figure out what exactly it was that I wanted to share with people. I am “The Self-Care Enthusiast”, after all…I can’t come to you honestly and say I don’t have doubts or insecurities. I can’t offer you only images of me in a designer bathing suit sprawled out suggestively on the beach (although, if you’re into that thing live it up, do you girl!). What I can offer you are seriously open and vulnerable blog posts about the good and the bad aspects of self-care, mental illness and entrepreneurship. I can be real with you, because sometimes that’s all we need.

So yeah, before I started the blog, my Instagram, the Facebook community and the brand as a whole, I was scared shitless because I thought I was too fat to be taken seriously. I write this while I eat a piece of pizza, after practicing a 30 minute yoga session in my spare bedroom. I’m finding balance babe, any way that I can.

I write this because there are a lot of us out there creating content and sometimes it’s nice to hear that other people are just as human as you. If you’re afraid to start, I’ve been there. My advice? Create the content, figure out why and who you’re creating it for and have fun with it all. If you aren’t having fun with it no-one else will.

Oh, and the best way to deal with an internet troll is the block button. Don’t give them the satisfaction darling, you’re worth so much more than that.

 

Love to you all,

Carlee.

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CELBEBRITIES POOP…AND OTHER WEIRD THINGS THAT MAKE US ALL EQUAL

YEARS ago (or so it seems) me and my bestie (miss you!) came to the sudden realization that celebrities like Brittany Spears and Meg Ryan poop, just like us.

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It was the most hillarious thing to imagine Brittany Spears pooping in a luxurious bathroom, but it was also the first time we started thinking that celebrities were just normal people.

If you’re still with me after that image, this blog post is actually about something a little more meaningful.

For those of you who didn’t make it this far (and aren’t even reading this) you’re welcome, Brittany on the poreclain will stay with you forever.

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This post is about the fact that we all have strengths and weaknesses. So many of us are held down by what other people think. Whether it’s our parents, friends, neighbours, co-workers, for some reason what these people think affects most of our lives in a pretty serious way.

I know that for literally the first…26.5 years of my life (working on it!) I cared about what people thought of me and it held me back from so many things. Dancing to music in a beautiful open field concert was one of them, losing a huge sale because I was scared to ask was another.

Remembering the fact that celebrities poop reminded me that we are all human beings. We all have stuff we are good at and stuff that we completely suck at.

The best part is…everyone sucks at something, so don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad for what you aren’t good at.

Smile at the haters and do YOU boo.

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Everyone has suffered middle-school embarrasement, had an awkward first kiss, botched an interview or tried something and failed. There isn’t one person I know that doesn’t have a shameful story from their past that they’d rather not talk about.

Trust me… the first two decades of my life should just be written off.

YES I stuffed my bra in elementary school only to be discovered in the change room… I wanted boobs okay, is that too much to ask?!

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YES I got too drunk to make it to prom and ended up sleeping in the limo.

YES I have burnt water while trying to cook………….

YES I have a huge darth vader tattoo on my back… … ……

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Were all equal…equally bad at something and equally awesome at something else.

We’ve only got one life to live, unless you believe in reincarnation… do you? I’d love to dive into your world.

Let’s make the most of it. Whenever your down and out or worried about keeping up with whoever the neighbourhood Kardashians are, remember they all poop… we all poop..

No one’s any better or any worse than the next.

I’ll see on instagram or  snapchat,

Carlee. xoxo

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LET’S RECOGNIZE ARIANA GRANDE’S STRONG SELF-CARE DURING MAC MILLERS PASSING (Hate me if you want it needs to be said)

With the passing of Mac Miller two days ago, September 7th, Ariana Grande shared a simple but heart felt image of Mac, who had a song titled “Self Care”.

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In this post I’m not going to get into drug use or addiction, as many of you know I have had my own struggles overcoming alcoholism.

What I am going to talk about is the amount of self care Ariana Grande practiced in the last two years and why it’s so damn important.

First I’d like to go on record and say yes I think Mac Miller’s death is tragic, he will be missed and so will his talent. It’s never okay when someone dies, it always hurts and in cases like Mac’s you wonder what might have been.

But, there has been so much backlash towards Ariana about his passing that I’d like to touch on a few key points. Hate me if you want but someone needs to say it.

ONE: 

If anyone chooses to leave a toxic relationship that is their RIGHT to do so. We cannot be held accountable for someone elses actions, no matter how tragic, when our own actions are to keep us safe, healthy and happy.

Since when is it okay to force a woman to stay in a toxic relationship?

Is this what we are accepting now? …

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TWO: 

Making the decision to leave a toxic relationship IS a form of self care and it MATTERS. Staying in a toxic relationship will only ruin two people at the same time. There are no advantages to staying.

It is not Ariana’s fault that Mac Miller got charged with a DUI, had a substance abuse problem for years and has now passed away.

What was going on before they got together, during and after they seperated in terms of Mac’s substance abuse was not Ariana’s fault.

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Addiction is a bitch.

It will take your family, friends, house, relationship and eventually your life.

To blame anyone is to completely miss the point.

 

THREE: 

Let’s think about the fact that all breakups are hard. Walking away from someone who isn’t good for you, even if you love the crap out of them, is completely heartbreaking.

It takes a strong person to say … “I love you, but I love me more.”

We should recognize the human side of ourselves that can relate to this because I’m sure every one of us has either had our hearts broken, had to set boundaries or had to walk away from someone who wasn’t right for us no matter how hard we tried.

Staying in a relationship where you aren’t happy, safe or respected in the hopes of saving the other person means completely ignoring what you need.

Standing up and doing what is right for you is always YOUR first priority. There are women in shitty relationships right now who need to hear that it is okay to leave. They need to hear that whatever their partner chooses to do after they leave is not their fault.

They need to hear that they are WORTH it.

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Like I’ve said in previous posts the truth about self -care is that it’s messy, challenging, and you’re sometimes not sure if your doing it right.

When you walk away from anyone toxic you have doubts, insecurities and fears. Imagine what it would feel like to practice self-care and then have something like this happen. It would be devastating. Right now Ariana needs to practice self-care even more so.

I’m not blaming her and honestly I don’t think anyone else should be either.

I’m not bashing Mac, like I said I loved his music.

What I’m saying is self-care looks different for everybody but when I recognize someone making tough decisions for themselves and then the world responding in such a shitty way….I’m going to say something.

If you’ve ever left a relationship for whatever reason then you must have a little empathy.

To all of us strong, capable women out there,

I see you and I’m with you.

Carlee xoxo 

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HOW GARY VAYNERCHUK IS CHANGING LIVES (and totally changed mine)

I woke up Tuesday morning to an email from Gary Vaynerchuk. It was short, sweet and just what I needed. I had poured my heart out the night before at midnight during a moment of vulnerability and the ephiphany that I’m a fighter. (I’m guessing you are too.)

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This post actually starts a year ago when I had started consuming Gary’s content every single morning and every single evening before bed. I hadn’t yet acted on it, and to be honest, taking action in the form of a brand & blog is still fresh, but I knew I was fueling up.

A few months ago I started using LinkedIn, I didn’t really think I needed it because at the time I was a housekeeper at a retirement home, but as soon as I started connecting with people I realized it’s power. I added Steve Babcock, the creative director of VaynerMedia and a few weeks later he posted that VaynerMedia was hiring.

I sent Steve and the rest of the Vayner team a really honest email about my past alcoholism, the power of doing ANYTHING to achieve your idea of success… and the fact that I had completely fucked up college.

To my surprise I got an email back and a phone call from a recruiter. Even though I didn’t end up getting the job, living in Canada it’s tough for entry-level positions, we had a great talk about life, writing and the lessons tough shit will teach you.

I felt inspired, grateful, and my self-confidence was definitely boosted.

A week later I was gifted a signed copy of Gary’s book Crushing It.  (eeeeek!!! fan girl alert, it was so awesome!)

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Half-way through the book I realized I was definitely spending my time in dumbass ways like binge watching netflix for HOURS….(suits man, the lead lawyer Harvey is like, so hot), scrolling mindlessly through facebook and eating out of boredom.

I saw the roadmap for change and truly believed that if others could do it than so could I. (YES, I recommend reading the book)

That night I walked my ass four blocks to the nearest convenience store, bought a prepaid Visa card and started creating The Self-Care Enthusiast.

It’s a feeling I hadn’t had before, a true knowing that I will succeed or fail by my own doing. My future is in my own hands. Gary & his team are kind, considerate, passionate, smart, decisive and don’t bullshit you. Not only does his content make you believe you can do it, if you listen the right way, it makes you act on those beliefs to create something powerful.

You can learn something from every member of VaynerMedia. Steve even has this radical food diary on Instagram that I honestly thought was the coolest idea. It’s so simple but for some reason I want to look through everything he eats in a day….is that too weird?

This week I’ve got a 15 minute skype call with Claude Silver, Chief Heart Officer of VaynerMedia. A few months ago I wouldn’t have imagined she would give me 30 seconds…let alone 15 minutes. Life will totally surprise you.

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In addiction things got so bad that I finally said “that’s it I’ll do whatever it takes”. Hitting rock bottom forces you to level up or die. Rock bottom doesn’t have to mean addiction, it could be cleaning toilets for 8 hours a day, or going to your shitty factory job hating every minute of it. When you finally are willing to put in the work and do whatever it takes to make shit happen….the universe works with you.

I’m not saying by watching Gary Vaynerchuk your life will drastically change, all I’m saying is that for me…my perspective changed, I became focused and the joy of starting something surpasses all of the fear.

If you’re thinking about making a change, creating something, exploring something new…. do it. You are worth it.
…That what you wish for, wishes for you. And the entire universe wishes it too.

I’d love to connect with you and have a talk about all things self-care, passion, business and life!

I’m always here, in the community or on snapchat.

Carlee xoxo

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