LET’S RECOGNIZE ARIANA GRANDE’S STRONG SELF-CARE DURING MAC MILLERS PASSING (Hate me if you want it needs to be said)

With the passing of Mac Miller two days ago, September 7th, Ariana Grande shared a simple but heart felt image of Mac, who had a song titled “Self Care”.

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In this post I’m not going to get into drug use or addiction, as many of you know I have had my own struggles overcoming alcoholism.

What I am going to talk about is the amount of self care Ariana Grande practiced in the last two years and why it’s so damn important.

First I’d like to go on record and say yes I think Mac Miller’s death is tragic, he will be missed and so will his talent. It’s never okay when someone dies, it always hurts and in cases like Mac’s you wonder what might have been.

But, there has been so much backlash towards Ariana about his passing that I’d like to touch on a few key points. Hate me if you want but someone needs to say it.

ONE: 

If anyone chooses to leave a toxic relationship that is their RIGHT to do so. We cannot be held accountable for someone elses actions, no matter how tragic, when our own actions are to keep us safe, healthy and happy.

Since when is it okay to force a woman to stay in a toxic relationship?

Is this what we are accepting now? …

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TWO: 

Making the decision to leave a toxic relationship IS a form of self care and it MATTERS. Staying in a toxic relationship will only ruin two people at the same time. There are no advantages to staying.

It is not Ariana’s fault that Mac Miller got charged with a DUI, had a substance abuse problem for years and has now passed away.

What was going on before they got together, during and after they seperated in terms of Mac’s substance abuse was not Ariana’s fault.

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Addiction is a bitch.

It will take your family, friends, house, relationship and eventually your life.

To blame anyone is to completely miss the point.

 

THREE: 

Let’s think about the fact that all breakups are hard. Walking away from someone who isn’t good for you, even if you love the crap out of them, is completely heartbreaking.

It takes a strong person to say … “I love you, but I love me more.”

We should recognize the human side of ourselves that can relate to this because I’m sure every one of us has either had our hearts broken, had to set boundaries or had to walk away from someone who wasn’t right for us no matter how hard we tried.

Staying in a relationship where you aren’t happy, safe or respected in the hopes of saving the other person means completely ignoring what you need.

Standing up and doing what is right for you is always YOUR first priority. There are women in shitty relationships right now who need to hear that it is okay to leave. They need to hear that whatever their partner chooses to do after they leave is not their fault.

They need to hear that they are WORTH it.

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Like I’ve said in previous posts the truth about self -care is that it’s messy, challenging, and you’re sometimes not sure if your doing it right.

When you walk away from anyone toxic you have doubts, insecurities and fears. Imagine what it would feel like to practice self-care and then have something like this happen. It would be devastating. Right now Ariana needs to practice self-care even more so.

I’m not blaming her and honestly I don’t think anyone else should be either.

I’m not bashing Mac, like I said I loved his music.

What I’m saying is self-care looks different for everybody but when I recognize someone making tough decisions for themselves and then the world responding in such a shitty way….I’m going to say something.

If you’ve ever left a relationship for whatever reason then you must have a little empathy.

To all of us strong, capable women out there,

I see you and I’m with you.

Carlee xoxo 

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HOW GARY VAYNERCHUK IS CHANGING LIVES (and totally changed mine)

I woke up Tuesday morning to an email from Gary Vaynerchuk. It was short, sweet and just what I needed. I had poured my heart out the night before at midnight during a moment of vulnerability and the ephiphany that I’m a fighter. (I’m guessing you are too.)

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This post actually starts a year ago when I had started consuming Gary’s content every single morning and every single evening before bed. I hadn’t yet acted on it, and to be honest, taking action in the form of a brand & blog is still fresh, but I knew I was fueling up.

A few months ago I started using LinkedIn, I didn’t really think I needed it because at the time I was a housekeeper at a retirement home, but as soon as I started connecting with people I realized it’s power. I added Steve Babcock, the creative director of VaynerMedia and a few weeks later he posted that VaynerMedia was hiring.

I sent Steve and the rest of the Vayner team a really honest email about my past alcoholism, the power of doing ANYTHING to achieve your idea of success… and the fact that I had completely fucked up college.

To my surprise I got an email back and a phone call from a recruiter. Even though I didn’t end up getting the job, living in Canada it’s tough for entry-level positions, we had a great talk about life, writing and the lessons tough shit will teach you.

I felt inspired, grateful, and my self-confidence was definitely boosted.

A week later I was gifted a signed copy of Gary’s book Crushing It.  (eeeeek!!! fan girl alert, it was so awesome!)

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Half-way through the book I realized I was definitely spending my time in dumbass ways like binge watching netflix for HOURS….(suits man, the lead lawyer Harvey is like, so hot), scrolling mindlessly through facebook and eating out of boredom.

I saw the roadmap for change and truly believed that if others could do it than so could I. (YES, I recommend reading the book)

That night I walked my ass four blocks to the nearest convenience store, bought a prepaid Visa card and started creating The Self-Care Enthusiast.

It’s a feeling I hadn’t had before, a true knowing that I will succeed or fail by my own doing. My future is in my own hands. Gary & his team are kind, considerate, passionate, smart, decisive and don’t bullshit you. Not only does his content make you believe you can do it, if you listen the right way, it makes you act on those beliefs to create something powerful.

You can learn something from every member of VaynerMedia. Steve even has this radical food diary on Instagram that I honestly thought was the coolest idea. It’s so simple but for some reason I want to look through everything he eats in a day….is that too weird?

This week I’ve got a 15 minute skype call with Claude Silver, Chief Heart Officer of VaynerMedia. A few months ago I wouldn’t have imagined she would give me 30 seconds…let alone 15 minutes. Life will totally surprise you.

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In addiction things got so bad that I finally said “that’s it I’ll do whatever it takes”. Hitting rock bottom forces you to level up or die. Rock bottom doesn’t have to mean addiction, it could be cleaning toilets for 8 hours a day, or going to your shitty factory job hating every minute of it. When you finally are willing to put in the work and do whatever it takes to make shit happen….the universe works with you.

I’m not saying by watching Gary Vaynerchuk your life will drastically change, all I’m saying is that for me…my perspective changed, I became focused and the joy of starting something surpasses all of the fear.

If you’re thinking about making a change, creating something, exploring something new…. do it. You are worth it.
…That what you wish for, wishes for you. And the entire universe wishes it too.

I’d love to connect with you and have a talk about all things self-care, passion, business and life!

I’m always here, in the community or on snapchat.

Carlee xoxo

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WHAT STARTED IT ALL. AN OPEN TALK ABOUT ALCOHOLISM, RELATIONSHIPS & SELF-CARE.

Hey there beautiful! I am so so SO excited to have you here.

This is a space and community across all platforms – blog, podcast, youtube channel – where we can have open, honest and vulnerable talks about all things self-care.

Here I am to bring you the latest news, interviews, products and perspectives about living a fully self-nurtured life.

This has been what feels like a super long journey for me, even though though I’m only 26. In the spirit of being open, honest and vulnerable this first blog post will share with you the truth behind why I truly love self-care and how it all began.

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I was to put it bluntly… a people pleaser. My entire life from the age of 10 was about how to protect and help the people around me. During highschool the relationships I had were all about how to make my boyfriend happy, there was literally NO thought in my mind about what I wanted or how I was supposed to feel. People pleasing and my desire to “fit in” lead me to start drinking every weekend.

After graduation everyone else went off to college and university but I continued to drink until I had completely ruined my life. I had moved out of my home, treated the people who loved me like sh*t and consumed alcohol from morning until night…or whenever I passed out.

At the age of 18 I entered my first long-term treatment program with the help of my mother (a loving, caretaker type social worker) who convinced me I needed to go. There I had my first glimpse of self-care techniques. Girls all supporting each other in group and applauding when one of us acted with self-love by breaking up with a toxic boyfriend, chose to eat fruit instead of sugar or came clean about our negative thinking. I didn’t know life could be like that.

I left treatment just after my 19th birthday but once again fell into the idea of being “popular, fun and liked”. This lead me to start partying again with my old friends. The feeling of treatment stuck with me though and I started attending AA meetings.

Finally after years of relapse I had enough and decided to enter a short-term treatment program, only this time it was my own choice. At 6 months sober I went to a 28 day program where I learned about vulnerability and unconditional love. Two concepts I had always thought were… well, weaknesses. Turns out they are actually two of the biggest strengths and superpowers we have in our lives.

Today I am 3 years sober BUT the last three years have brought a shit ton of lessons. I’ve had to come to terms with anxiety, depression, mental illness, co-dependency, people pleasing and sugar cravings to name a few.

Thanks to a great councelor, supportive friends and partner I have made it through and can happily say I’m in school for social work. I’ve got a loving partner and two animal companions, Quincy Jones & Alice, and a great job as creator of The Self-Care Enthusiast!  (Which started with Gary Vaynerchuk & the VaynerMedia team gifting me with a copy of Crushing It!…read that story here)

 

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Throughout my journey self-care is my foundation and one of the single most essential things to my own personal happiness.

YES it is challenging and hard and I have a love-hate relationship with self-care. I had to come to terms with the fact that I didn’t feel worthy of self-care to begin with. It starts off slow and you want to give up…but trust me, the benefits are coming.

SO, that right there is why I created The Self-Care Enthusiast, to document my past and present self-care practice, interview professionals and create a safe community where we could come together on this journey.

 

Welcome! It’s an honor to be here with you. I’ll leave you with one of my most favorite  quotes.

See you in the community or on snapchat,

Carlee. xoxo

 

I know where I’m going and I know the truth. I don’t have to be what you want me to be, I’m free to be what I want.  

Muhammad Ali