They F*cked me UP [getting help is a long process]

Back with another casual life update. ย About four years ago I did a stint in the local mental hospital and that’s where I was diagnosed with autism and bipolar. During that time the doctor prescribed me the lowest possible dose of ceroquil and it f*cked me up.

After that we determined that I was sensitive to medication and I was put on a low dose of Abilify.

Now, the right thing to do would have been to continue taking the Abilify for the last four years and probably have a normal existence.

But when has life ever been normal?

Of course I stopped taking the medication and had a a TON of wild adventures, which looking back I mostly don’t regret.

Only my last depression got so bad I wanted to get back on the meds, so here we are.

I took a full pill of Abilify (was previously only taking half a pill) and it too f*cked me up.

I felt like passing out, shitting myself, throwing up… in fact I did throw up, I actually projectile vomited all over my bathroom in this really gross purple colour because I thought it was a good idea to drink a fruit smoothie before bed.

The point of this little blog post is to say:

  1. I’m still alive.
  2. I’m going to take 1/2 a pill and live a semi-normal existence.
  3. It’s okay if it doesn’t work the first time, getting help is a long process.


Tho the road may be shitty – the destination will be beautiful. — probably Shakespear or someone important like that.


Remember you are loved, you are worthy and you are blessed.

Carlee xx



Makeup is NOT self-care?

I used to be the first person to say this. You can probably find it somewhere if you scroll long enough on my social media. REAL self-care I used to say was looking at yourself, your inner self and doing the emotional work. I still agree with this, part of self-care is definitely working through your own road-blocks and healing from any past traumas that have accumulated. It is journaling and going to counselling if needed.

It’s watching motivational talks from Les Brown and amping yourself up for just a normal day.

It’s all of these things, and lately I have found, from my own personal truth… it can be makeup also.

As many of you know I have reduced my hours at work, only working 3 shifts a week right now while I meet with a mental health worker and try to feel “normal” again. I’m currently in a state of depression. If you don’t know what depression is like it’s kind of this invisible weight that stays on you… 24/7 and you can’t shake it off. You just feel down or “heavy” and you don’t really need a reason to be that way.


Makeup, for me has always been fun. I may not wear it out all the time but when I do I feel awesome, and when I’m just at home creating new looks it makes me happy. I always thought there was a stigma around makeup, if you like it then you’re dumb? Anyway, lately I’ve been trying to not care about what anyone else thinks, it’s important not too.

Especially in this depression, I’ve just been doing things that make me happy. Which seem to be writing this blog, taking long walks, makeup and tarot.

I wasn’t happy with my life, the direction it was going, how I was feeling etc. In some weird way, creating makeup looks and tarot videos is helping me to feel better and take some control over my life’s direction.

So, now if you ask me: is makeup self-care? I’m going to have to say yes. Undoubtedly yes, because it is making me feel happy in a time I would not otherwise.


Love to you all,


My youtube Channel: Makeup and Tarot with Carlee

—- give me a follow ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ll be doing more looks, readings and giveaways.