Dealing With Heartbreak While Running A Business.

I thought of the idea for this piece last night while lazying around in the tub. Sometimes it’s easy to find things to write about, sometimes it feels like the ideas are right there at the tip top of my brain but I can’t access them. Isn’t it strange? Now I know why so many writers before me tried vodka or whiskey to loosen up a bit and get over the keyboard jitters.

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dramatic photo for a dramatic topic?

Don’t worry. I don’t drink, anymore. Enough of my rambling though. Dealing with heartbreak is never fun, ever. It’s always messy and you end up on your bed at 2 am with  melted chocolate smothered on your pajama bottoms; crumpled up tissues littered across the comforter.

“I loved him” … “How did this happen?” … “It wasn’t suppose to turn out this way”.

All things I’ve sobbed into the phone while my best friend says “He was an absolute ass hat.”

 

It’s tough, it’s really tough if you’re heartbroken over a lover. It can happen for any reason, perhaps you simply weren’t meant to be or perhaps something more tragic happened and someone you loved dearly passed away.

It’s even harder when you have a business to run and you’ve got to stay strong. You are the last line of defence, employees come to you, customers come to you, your dog comes to you looking for comfort. It can be even harder when you’re just starting a business and your only employee is yourself.

You have to keep pushing on through the grief. You must keep putting one foot in front of the other despite the black glob of grief that has lodged itself in the centre of your chest.

It can be a great for a few brief moments to distract the mind and it’s even better to dive into something and use all of that emotion to fuel you and fuel the business. Growth can often be seen in times of struggle.

Don’t let anything stop you. Sure, you may have just been dumped by who you thought was the “love of your life” or maybe you did the dumping (you powerful goddess you). Your business, the thing you are passionate about, that thing you’ve been working so hard for… it’s still there and it needs you. Take life’s challenges and be vulnerable, get real, help others through the same damn things.

The things in my life that I thought were terrible misfortunes always have a way of ending up to be huge blessings in disguise. It might take months, it may even take years, but one day you’ll be glad it happened and you’ll be glad you put all that fierce energy into your business.

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This isn’t really a “how-to” blog post because I believe everyone processes grief differently and what might work for one person won’t necessarily work for the other. So do whatever you have to do in order to get back to grinding, to step back into that hustle and focus.

Have a personal talk with yourself in the mirror, you are a badass after all. Listen to music, put your headphones in and drown it out. Go for a long walk and just breath. Do some yoga and read something spiritual. Do what you have to do.

This is more of a reminder blog post… reminding you that you won’t feel bad forever. That the business is there for a reason. That you can and will hustle through it and your competition should be scared. That you are a badass goddess and should treat yourself as such.

Cry, eat the chocolate, feel the grief, inhale deeply – exhale it all out and focus baby, focus.

 

Love to you from the bottom of my heart,

Carlee. xo

Find me on Instagram @theselfcareenthusiast 

Write me an email on anything you’d like me to write about: theselfcareenthusiast@gmail.com

 

 

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Gossip Is Not A Form Of Connection

I just read Lauren Evarts Instagram post about emotional intelligence and the last indicator of EQ was that those who have emotional intelligence do not view gossip as a way of connecting.  

THAT has to be one of the best things I’ve ever read. I’m going to be straight up honest with you, for a long time that’s exactly how I connected with people, especially other women. Gossip was just an accepted form of communication amongst high school girls and even later in office settings.

Wherever I have worked it hasn’t mattered the age or gender of the person there has always been gossip.

The truth about gossip though is that it never comes from someone who is on their A game. When you are the one giving out the gossip you immediately put yourself at a disadvantage. You are showing weakness and plain bad character.

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Why is gossip so bad? 

Aside from ruining someones reputation or day, you will NEVER be able to build a relationship of trust from gossip. Immediately it puts you in a place of distrust and any relationship built with it will have no solid foundation.

Your leverage is gone, you have no credibility and you are choosing to communicate with literally the lowest form of communication there is. Why would anyone want that?

We all saw the movie Mean Girls and it was called Mean Girls for a reason. The movie might have been okay to watch but in real life everyone just thinks you’re a bitch.

Positive, successful people all share traits of kindness, empathy, and optimism. Truly successful people help each other to succeed and give positive feedback. It is necessary to be truthful and straightforward and sometimes that’s going to mean saying something abrupt, but it will never be deliberately gossiping or spreading falsehoods about someone else to get ahead.

To close this short, but important piece I will say anyone who is striving for more in life will do themselves a huge favour by focusing on engaging – thought provoking – inspiring conversations and cutting the gossip out completely.  When you go to sleep at night at least this way you will feel good about who you are as a human being and so will many others.

Carlee Lloyd

*Connect with me on LinkedIn, seriously it’s awesome over there.

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What Attempted Suicide Taught Me About Living & Thriving In Business

I had been in bed for 3 consecutive days only getting up to relieve myself and grab more alcohol from the fridge. After the third day the liquor was getting scarce and I was left with my own thoughts. I had moved away from my family for a man. Adventure, excitement and  love were all things I thought would be speeding into my life, just as I sped down the highway away from everything I once knew. After only a few short months it was apparent that I had made a gross misjudgment of the situation…it had been a long standing joke that I lived with “rose-colored glasses” and this time was no exception.

 

I had been an alcoholic since the age of fifteen. The moment I had taken my first drink I felt alive, more alive than I had ever felt before and any self-conscious  limiting beliefs seemed to melt away. I felt invincible. Of course, that too only lasted for a brief moment before the drink took over my life and consumed my every thought. Naturally, as any alcoholic would, I found a partner that wouldn’t be turned off by the whiskey glass glued to my right hand.

 

On the morning of my attempt the air felt heavy and I couldn’t stop crying. It felt as if years worth of emotions were coming to the surface and spilling over the top uncontrollably. Trying to explain depression to someone who doesn’t have it is challenging, if you haven’t experienced it there’s no way to truly grasp the feeling. It is like an emptiness,  the most empty feeling you could possibly imagine, there is no happiness or joy or positivity. A void as dark and grim as any monster in any fairy-tale we read as children.

 

The details of the event aren’t at all spectacular, in fact for something as pivotal as suicide they are actually quite boring. I thought taking an entire bottle of acetaminophen would do the trick but I was only able to get a handful of them down before resting for what I thought was only a few moments…  hours later I awoke to myself vomiting all over the bed. I was cold, achy and felt like I couldn’t move. The goodbye letter I had written before lay crumpled into the sheets, dripping of guilt and shame and “I love you’s”.

 

To make what could be an incredibly long and tumultuous story into a nice little article, I’ll move right along in telling you later that evening I checked myself into the Woodstock General Hospital – Psychiatric Ward. I was given an exquisite psychiatrist and stayed there for three weeks in a small room, like the movies go it had four white walls and a window that overlooked the dumpster.

 

So, what did I learn from this experience that can be transferred to business? What did one of the lowest points in my life teach me about living authentically?

 

  1. Knowing what you stand for is easier than knowing “who you are”

 

I fell into the trap of trying to “find” myself instead of just sitting down and figuring out who I wanted to be and what my values were. Not having those things narrowed down made me open to making unwise decisions like moving across the province of Ontario in pursuit of love. The business world is full of strong personalities and unless you know exactly what it is you stand for, unless you have a solid set of values and a strong conviction to those values, you’re going to get pushed around. I had to take the time to ask myself “okay, who do I admire, how did they become so successful, and what values do they have?”. The people I most admire hold values of kindness, consistency, authenticity, compassion and work ethic. It was then a matter of holding myself to a higher standard than before and emulating those values in my own life.

 

  1. Everybody has a story, everybody is trying to make it.

 

Rich Cardona, CEO of Flybys Media, actually said this to me a few months ago and I immediately remembered the moment I too came to this realization. “Everyone’s just trying to make it. I’m trying to make it, you’re trying to make it, Claude is trying to make it” he said.

 

It’s true, it’s so very true. Even Steve Babcock, Chief Creative Office of VaynerMedia posted on his Instagram yesterday: “want your life”, meaning everyone admires all of these amazing people, everyone wishes they could be someone else…but someone out there is wishing for your life. YES, this is another “be grateful for what you have” paragraph, but until you truly grasp what that means you’re going to be so deeply unfulfilled that nothing will ever be good enough. That emptiness I spoke of previously will consume you and you’ll be fighting to hold onto any amount of happiness from any direction (drugs, alcohol, food, porn) until you are simply depleted.

 

Alternatively because everyone is simply trying to make something of themselves in this world, we can be a little kinder, judge less, thank often and help whenever we can. Be kinder to yourself too, someone out there sees you hustling, grinding, putting in the effort and if you just keep going despite any setback things will come together for you.

 

  1. Strength comes from within. You were probably born with it, you just didn’t know it.

 

Can you think of a time when you were strong? Perhaps as a child when you stood up to a bully or found the courage to do something daring. Perhaps it was a few weeks ago when you overcame fear and spoke to someone new for the first time in months. Whatever the case, you probably realize you have had moments of being strong for quite some time. It wasn’t until after I had overcome addiction that I realized no one is weak, no one who is actually trying for something greater is a weak person. We all have strength, true grit, determination. How we put that determination into action is what matters. Many successful individuals have the burning desire to win…they feel it in their bellies, the fire consumes them so greatly that it is all they can think about. Their nature and fierce will makes them strong enough to overcome any obstacle in their path. And so this too brings us to the realization that strength cannot be from any outside source, to truly stay consistent in our strength it must come from that vulnerable and fierce place within.

 

Mark Metry, host of Humans 2.0 Podcast spoke with me yesterday and said “We all have the Humans 2.0 Version inside of us at all times, it’s just a matter of accessing it. I can look back in my own life and see moments where I was that version 2.0 as a young child. At 6 years old I would collect and trade baseball cards and Pokemon cards, and that’s how I got money to buy food because I didn’t want to ask my parents for money, we were very poor.”

 

You can come back from the lowest point in your life and make something out of it. You can inspire other people and create a lasting change in the world around you. And if nothing else, you always have a cool story to tell.

As my friend Wayne Mcleod once said “Don’t forget, everyone likes a comeback story”.

 

Carlee Lloyd.

 

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How To Get Sh*t Done With Depression – Procrastination and Waves of Self-Doubt

Honestly, I’ve been sitting at the computer for half an hour wondering what the title for this piece should be. I finally figured I’d just write it out, you could read it, and hopefully the title that I finally chose would be appropriate.

What I REALLY want to talk about is a mixture of things…but mostly how to still get shit done when you’re dealing with depression – procrastination  and self-doubt.

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A vortex of compromising traits that make it highly probable that the next 24 hours will be wasted. The past 30 days have been proof, if to no-one else but myself, of the fact that you can still accomplish a hell of a lot and feel good most of the time.

So, let’s say you lay in bed until 11am… most entrepreneur “gurus” online would say that is HORRIBLE  and you’re  never going to accomplish your goals by laying in bed on a Saturday morning. Maybe that’s true, but maybe you also get these strange waves of self-doubt and it takes you a while to kick your own ass into gear. Maybe though, you can make up for it in the remaining hours of the day by connecting with people or working on your projects or simply taking a day to yourself because we all need to recharge.

And maybe your body just honestly needed the rest, and your mind will thank you for it.

How then can you be successful with depression – procrastination – and waves of self-doubt?

Personally, I’m on this journey myself. It takes some trial and error and lots of forgiveness but it is possible to succeed. It takes huge amounts of self-care and self-awareness. You need to be able to recognize when you’re actually tired or if it is your unwelcome friend depression coming to say hello.

Procrastination is the real kicker, especially when you run a business that other people depend on. I used to tell myself and sometimes still find myself saying “I work best under pressure”. This may feel true…but I’m not fully convinced. What truly saved me was Mel Robbins 5 second rule.  You basically trick your brain into action and stop the thinking process. You count down 5-4-3-2-1 and then without thinking immediately just get up and do what you are supposed to be doing. It works, it really does, even if I have to take 15 seconds and count down 3 times before I get up… it works.

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Now for self-doubt. This guy likes to come around whenever I don’t get a sale the first time around or share a post on social media that doesn’t get as much feedback as I had hoped for. The trick of the whole thing is not to care about what other people think and to just produce content and move from one sale to the next, but when you are alone your mind can sometimes play tricks on you… and try to tell you that you’re worse at your job than you really are. Self-doubt has never been effectively managed for me by anything else other than three things: yoga – good people – and inspiration.

^^ It can look more like: self -care, relationships – mindfulness.

You will find as you go along your journey, your life will fill up with different – wonderful things and when times like this arise, when things get a little bit hard and these three try to creep back in… you will have created a safety net within yourself. You will have learned that you are better, worthy, beautiful, intelligent and able to conquer the gnawing thought of wasting the day.

It takes practice, as does anything in life.

And my dear, I’m here to tell you, I’ve been practicing for quite some time. You’re not alone.

 

Love always,

Carlee

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A GUIDE TO MORNINGS FOR THE NON-MORNING PERSON

Coffee, coffee and more coffee. (Just kidding…not really)

Mornings for some are this glorious time when everyone else is still sleeping, its quiet, the birds are chirping outside the window, and the smell of fresh coffee brewing fills the kitchen…wonderful!

For others, like myself, mornings would be more appreciated if they were actually afternoons.

Sadly, that’s not productive, nor how most of the world works.

So how can non-morning people cash in on all the extra hours, quiet time and coffee?!

The truth is now… I set about 10 different staggered alarms that bug the shit out of me until I get up.

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I also have this thing you might have heard of called “The Self-Care Enthusiast” which I’m extrememly passionate about and that more than anything has helped me to get my ass out of bed in order to cash in on the extra hours. More than I’d do for any job I worked for where I was just recieving a paycheck.

Here are some serious tips that have helped me in my journey to becoming a semi-morning person. (I appreciate them…I don’t have to like them.

1. Have an automated coffee maker.

Coffee is literally my very first thought in the morning. It isn’t until after I’ve had coffee that I can actually begin to function normally, and by normally I mean slow and steady. The heavenly smell of fresh coffee in the morning makes me want to get up and run into my kitchen. So…yeah, automated coffee makers are the best. #caffeineaddict

2.  Set your morning up right. 

By this I mean spend at least five minutes each night getting organized in the morning. You will thank me later, trust me. Not having to think early in the morning takes all the icky stuff away from waking up. If I had to suddenly remember the 6 phone calls, 2 meetings and 1 delivery I had to make throughout the day, and get organized imediately upon waking, I’d want to sleep in forever. Likewise, if you have to walk into a messy kitchen…it’s kind of depressing. You don’t want that when you’re waking up at 5am. *eye roll* Get organized, stick to the evening routine and mornings will actually become kind of refreshing.

3. Get yourself a musical alarm (preferably your favourite song of the month) and use it. 

I LOVE music for a while in my teens I dreamed of being a song-writter and having hit songs sung by all the latest artists. Now, I admire the music and love to dance right along to it. Adding a musical alarm means the song gets into my brain, even when I’m half asleep and the last thing I want to do is put my feet on the ground. Once I hear that song it’s game over, and I feel happier in the mornings. I’m a little hillbillie so my song choice this month is “It’s A Great Day To Be Alive” by Travis Tritt.

4. Get Yourself A Pet. 

Okay, so I understand this one’s kind of a cop-out but hear me out. I now have a cat (Quincy Jones) and a puppy (Alice). Each morning Quincy will wake me up at the crack of dawn meowing for what is likely just attention…not annoying at all. Alice then joins in and I have to go take her out to use the bathroom, if I don’t I’ll be the one cleaning it up in house. So I’m literally forced to wake up early even if I don’t smell coffee, or I didn’t complete my evening routine or the musical alarm didn’t work it’s magic on me. Obviously don’t just get a pet to wake up early… LOL you never know these days, I have to add a disclaimer.

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The honest no bullshit answer is that mornings are still hard for me but having something you are passionate about and goals that drive you will make you want to make use of the extra hours in the morning. I’m slowly getting better with it.

These days I’ll stay up until midnight – 2am and wake up around 6am or 7am. I try to balance between work and self-care which for me looks like walking the dog, quiet meditation, yoga or reading a book. It’s not always easy but it is always worth it.

Here’s to the actual morning people, bless your souls, keep on keeping on.

Here’s to the night owl’s, may the moons energy fuel you baby!

Honestly, let me know how you handle mornings and how you’ve allowed yourself to wake up even just 10 minutes early.

BTW if you have started waking up early, you go girl, do tell!

Carlee. xoxo

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YOUR MONTHLY GODDESS HOROSCOPE SEPTEMBER 2018

Hey girl,

September is an awesome month that brings with it vibes of serious change. Summer turns to fall, the moons energy is magical as September 9th is the New Moon that comes with lots of new beginnings.

Aries March 21 – April 19: 

Collaboration is key this month. Don’t stress if you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s time to take a step back and simple…breath. Asking for help isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength, and it may be just what you need this September. Strong emotions may surface such as fear, anger or jealousy. Acknowledge that these emotions are stemming from the first, fear. Don’t let fear guide your decision making and stop you from doing something beautiful. Accept your fear but take a step forward anyway, you deserve it.

Taurus April 20 – May 20: 

Less is more this month for Taurus as you discover a deeper understanding of who you are. As the seasons change it is a month of shedding everything that no longer serves you. The beginning of the month will be rocky and you may have experienced a set back. Don’t worry as you steady yourself out and move forward “bull-headed” you will succeed. Practicing minimalism this month will serve you well, donate things that you no longer need and make room for the new gifts coming into your life. As you begin to shed a new you will form creating deeper longer lasting connections and relationships.

Gemini May 21 – June 21: 

This month you seem fearless! In reality you are ignoring your fears and finding a newly charged romance, lasting or fleeting, that’s for you to decide. As the twin star baby you are dynamic. This month means you’re not putting up with anyone’s shit. Why should you? Being fearless shows itself this month by you becoming extra open, honest and vulnerable (in a good way), allowing others to see a side of you they normally don’t. Show this side of yourself more and others will be drawn to your silly charm.

Cancer June 22 – July 22:

Great things are coming together for you! Ideas that have been on your mind for the last few months are starting to materialize, you’re setting goals and building something for yourself. Slow and steady wins the race this month as it is the best time for building a solid foundation of success. Don’t run before you can walk, a detailed list of goals this month will be your best-friend. If you take your time in building a solid foundation, nothing will be able to take you down in the months to come. In all areas of your life put one foot in front of the other, grow from the bottom up, in love and in business and success will be yours.

Leo July 23 – Aug 22: 

A strong warning this month for Leo, do not let jealousy take over this month and guide your decision making. What something is, is often not what it appears to be. What people seem to have, may not be fancy, it may in reality be a lot of debt. List the things that you can be grateful in your own life. In moments of resentment take time to be still, quiet your mind, connect with your heart and come back to your own personal path. You know where you need to be and you know where you’re going. Stay true to your own nature and September can be a month of peace instead a month of “keeping up with the Jones’ ”

Virgo Aug 23 – Sept 22: 

You’ve totally got this! Virgo, this month is all about you taking charge and owning YOU. September brings a fierce energy that allows you to be the boss, leader, decision maker and kick-ass chick you are. Your life is YOUR LIFE and this month you take full ownership. Say no when you feel like it and yes when you can. Your power comes from using your intuition to guide you as you navigate the coming weeks with ease. Don’t second guess yourself, and don’t live life on anyone else’s terms but your own. You’ve known the answers all along…now it’s time to act on them.

Libra Sept 23 – Oct 22: 

Be careful of playing the role of “personal therapist” to friends and family this month and remember that in order to be stress free, you first need to focus on yourself. Taking on too much of other people’s emotions can be debilitating and cause negative emotional and physical side affects. Take this month to sort out just what your relationships need, tough love may be the right approach…even if it’s just to save your own sanity. In order to have the balance your sign desires you’ll need to even out the scales once again by giving a few members of your inner circle a reality check, in the nicest way possible.

Scorpio Oct 23 – Nov 21: 

Scorpios come with their earned loyalty and distinctive strike. Many don’t realize though that underneath a Scorpios tough exterior lies an inner soft side that runs deep. If you’ve been guarded for a while you may start to feel like isolating. There’s nothing wrong with taking time for yourself, but remember, there are people in your life who care about you and before you take time for yourself, let them know. Not only will it mean the world to them, it will also open you up to a deeper level of communication, honesty and connection.

Sagittarius Nov 22 – Dec 21: 

You distinctly know who you can and cannot trust. Let’s get real, people can be drama. There’s no need to get caught up in office politics. Show up, be a boss, do you and leave happy. Let the drama queens get to pre-occupied to cash in on opportunity. Keep your eyes wide open and you’ll be able to receive the rewards that come along with observation. Too much talk will drag you down, your self-worth is no one else’s but yours. Fresh fruit will also help you mid September.

Capricorn Dec 22 – Jan 19: 

September is all about self-care for the Capricorn. You’ve learned the value of self-care this past year and now it’s time to truly incorporate what you’ve learned into your daily life. Staying in the now will keep you grounded, humble and self-aware as you make your way through this month. When you find yourself distracted or stressed out acknowledge the actions you personally took to put yourself there. Success is important to the Capricorn, but don’t get so focused on the end goal that you miss the entire game.

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18: 

In order to be heard by others this month you must stop acting out of emotion and start truly communicating what it is you need from others. Generally, people won’t know what it is you need until you tell them. This is the month of “ask and you shall receive” Aquarius, so ask away, you might be pleasantly surprised. Progress not perfection is the key.

Pisces Feb 19 – March 20: 

Intention is the big thing for Pisces this September. Your intention will manifest itself in all areas of your life, what you choose to vibe with is important. Honor the space in your heart that knows where your emotions live, your vibe attracts your tribe. If you aren’t attracting people, places or things into your life that truly serve you, it’s time to switch up your intentions. Get real with yourself and what your looking for. Once your balanced the end of the month will bring with it an awesome new gift.

 

Love you all, you astrology loving spiritual junkies.

See you on instagram,

Carlee xoxo. 

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